- Collier Landry
Why I Quit Drinking Alcohol w/ Gill Tietz, Host of Sober Powered Podcast - MPM #63
I feel like most people genuinely want to be the best version of themselves. Collier has always strived to be the best person he could be. However, there was always one thing that seemed to keep me slightly off my A-game, and on November 5, 2020, I decided to make a change.
I quit drinking alcohol.
Now I know this isn't for everyone, but for me, I knew I could never achieve the life I always wanted if I didn't say farewell to my go-to vice whenever I felt like "cutting loose."
In this deeply personal episode of Moving Past Murder, my guest is Gill Tietz, host of the Sober Powered podcast. We discuss the struggle to get off the hamster wheel and move forward with a positive life and our journey of living an amazing, alcohol-free life.
For more information on Gilll, please visit https://www.soberpowered.com/
Sober Powered Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sober.powered/
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction or substance abuse, please visit https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
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MPM Episode #63 - Why I Quit Drinking Alcohol w/ Gil Tietz, Host of Sober Powered Podcast
Gill Tietz: [00:00:00] Are you actually having fun? Like we, whatever you fill in the blank, whatever you think alcohol helps you with or does for you. Are you actually having fun? Are you actually less anxious? Are you actually a better parent? Are you actually less depressed? You know, whatever it is, just question it. Does it actually help?
Are you sure? Are you sure you're having fun when you're socializing? Because I thought I was too, and [00:00:30] I like, I humiliated myself so many times. It was awful. That's not fun. Blacking out, getting sloppy, falling down. That's not fun at all.
Testimony continued today in the most notorious criminal trial in Richland County history. Dr. John Boyle is accused of killing his wife Noreen, and burying her body in the basement of his new home in Erie, Pennsylvania. The 12 year [00:01:00] old son finally took the stand as I heard a scream. I heard a thud was about this loud.
We the jury, find the defendant guilty.
When I was 12 years old, my testimony sent my father to prison for murdering my mother. This podcast serves as a type of therapy and reconciliation for myself, and it is my hope that it helps anyone who has experienced deception, betrayal, and dark trauma. I'm Collier Landry, and this is Moving Past Murder.
Hey, movers. Welcome back to another episode of Moving Past Murder. I'm your host, Collier Landry. And what's going on?!
Happy Friday. 1111, and it's actually November 11th, 2022. So that is that 11 11, 11 11. That's a lot of elevens. Uh, I don't know what that really means. I'm sure some of you listeners and viewers do.
So if you wouldn't mind, put in the comments. Send me a dm. Let me know what 1111 [00:02:00] means for, for you. Uh, what it means for me is I have a great episode, a highly personal episode, much like last week's episode where I shared the news about my dear Chihuahua Blon. Passing away, and I did an all dogs Go to Heaven sort of tribute episode.
It was silly, but it was really cathartic for me. So I appreciate you guys listening and writing in and talking about it and your sympathy. I, I, I really appreciate it. Um, she was the light of my world as a lot of, you know, and I miss her terribly, but [00:02:30] I won't really dwell on that. Um, what I do wanna talk about is it's a lot of really big changes and this episode has been a long time coming.
Uh, I get asked a lot of times when I am out in social situations, Hey man, you want a beer? And I say, No, not anymore. Um, as of last weekend on Saturday, November 5th, I celebrated two years of being alcohol free. It was a choice that I made, like right in the middle of the pandemic. I think a lot of us ibid a little too much during the pandemic.
I was definitely [00:03:00] one of those people that did what started out as kind of a, a challenge to myself of, let me just try doing this. Giving us up for 30 days. Cuz I was experienced a lot of anxiety in my life and sort of little aches and pains. And even though I'm a really athletic guy, I run, I swim, you know, I was like, ah, I'm not feeling so great.
And it wasn't doing me any favors, but I was like, let me try for 30 days and see what happens. And 30 days led to 45, led to 90, led to six months, led to a year, and now two years later, and I gotta tell you something, [00:03:30] I thought there's no way I'm gonna, um, I'm gonna be able to keep this up or that I'm going to, you know, I think when people wanna give up something, they're like, Oh, it's gonna be all this drag.
I'm not gonna have any friends. I'm not gonna, uh, you know, I'm, I'm not gonna be able to go on dates. It's gonna be super awkward. I'll tell you some. I don't miss it at all. , that's just straight up. You save. You feel better. I mean, there's a lot of benefits. If you're looking at giving up alcohol, do it. If not, like, don't listen to me.
It, you know, you guys make your own choices. [00:04:00] I'm not here to advocate for that. I am gonna say that it helped really alleviate a lot of anxiety in my life that I didn't really understand where it was coming from. It helped me sleep better and just function as a better adult and really a lot more in touch with my feelings.
So I wasn't a daily drinker. I was a binge drinker occasionally, like once a month, just, Hey, let's go off. Woo-hoo. Not so good. But, um, I curbed it. So this episode, I met this young lady named Jill Tets this year at Podcast Movements Evolutions, was in [00:04:30] Los Angeles. It's a podcast networking conference, and she has a podcast called Sober.
Her name is Jill Tets. And we just started talking. I was like, Oh, sober powered. And I had seen her stuff on Instagram before and we started talking, we became friends and uh, I said, You know, I really wanna do an episode about sobriety because what I will say is that a lot of people that experience trauma, it is not, uh, it is not lost on anyone that people turn to substances.
I was not one of those people who was lost in my [00:05:00] trauma. I didn't start drinking until I was in my late twenties. I definitely made up for lost time. But, um, you know, in college I did, but it wasn't really a part of my life. But I think that, uh, a lot of people find themselves caught up in these cycles and some never really get out of it.
And it unfortunately has, you know, a massive toll on their health and their finances and their life in general. You know, things like the heroin epidemic and the opioid epidemic really affect areas of like my beloved home state of Ohio and everywhere, really in the four corners of the world. [00:05:30] Uh, so. It is, um, it is something, you know, Hey, if you guys are into it, if you are looking to quit, there are all kinds of resources out there and Jill is a fantastic person for that.
But first, as I always do, I want to go to your listener questions, comments, dms of the week. And this one comes from Instagram. This comes from Jennifer Mary. She says, Hi Collier. I recently just learned of your story through coverage of a podcast I follow. I watched your documentary and have since [00:06:00] been your podcast.
I am also a childhood trauma survivor with a narcissistic parent, a mother for me. I seriously cannot thank you enough for what you are doing. You are our brave and beautiful soul. Please never stop fighting and sharing. I also wanted to pass along my deepest condolences on the loss of your dear Blondie.
Animals have been, been my rock cats for me, and I know what you're going through and it breaks my. I lost my 16 year old girly in December, 2021, and her brother 11 is now sick. [00:06:30] Blondie will continue to be by your side, and you gave her the best life as she did for you, sending you love, kindness and gratitude your way.
Thank you so much, Jennifer, Mary, that is really kind of you to just reach out and share that I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that. I'm glad that this podcast is resonating with you, that my film has resonated with you and that it, you are finding a sort of a source of strength and support in your journey to heal yourself from your trauma.
That's really cool. Um, I wanna give a shout out to my new Patreon [00:07:00] subscribers as well. So I also wanna give a shout out to my new Patreon subscribers on my Patreon channel, which is patreon.com/collier Landry, Paula Marie Cornell, Naomi Brewster, Shannon Jenkins, Hoda Foreman, Heather Justice. Thank you all for joining my Patreon this month.
Um, your support means the world to me. It goes to support this podcast. As you guys know, your listener support is really what makes this podcast possible. I know I talk about this a lot, but I really thank [00:07:30] you guys for your support. I am putting newer and bigger content on my Patreon channel, and if I reach certain goals, I'm gonna have some really cool things like behind-the-scenes of making a murder in Mansfield, exclusive interviews with, you know, members of my family, members of law enforcement conversations I've had, I've had with my father.
Uh, I will put all that stuff up. I have it all look for some really exciting content coming out for me in the next couple of months and leading into the new year. That's all I got for that. So I'm pleased to welcome my sober-powered friend, [00:08:00] Gill Tietz to the program.
Gill Tietz: Thank you so much for having me.
Collier Landry: So Jill, you know, we um, we obviously bonded, uh, at podcast Evolutions earlier this year, primarily because I think we were both like trying to figure out what was going on and we needed like a festival. You know, I, I think I told you, I said I needed a festival buddy, but I had come to listen to your talk on stage and you had done just such a [00:08:30] fantastic job.
And then I, as somebody who had recently gotten sober, um, uh, November 5th, 2020 was, or quit drinking rather. And I said, um, you know, I wanted to connect with you and we were sharing our stories. That's kind of how we bonded and we became little festival buddies.
Gill Tietz: Yeah. Like nonstop buddies. I was thinking today, I'm like, how did we actually meet for the first time?
Because I just remember us like hanging out nonstop and I don't remember when, like, how did we [00:09:00] actually introduce ourselves? Yeah, I
Collier Landry: think I just approached you and we just started talking and then we were like, Oh, okay. And like, what are you doing? Which one are you going to? And I think we geeked out over, um, Andrew Huberman.
Yep. Because he was there. So Heman Labs and he followed you on Instagram and you were all excited and I was like, he didn't follow me, but I was, you know, I think we gra you know, I gravitated towards you because, you know, my podcast is so, and I think this is true obviously for a lot of podcasters, but they get into this medium [00:09:30] because something is very personal for you.
And whether it's a personal interest or it's a, it's for myself, it's a personal journey. And for you as well, it's a journey of you. Healing yourself and then, you know, and, and then taking and empowering that to help others. Right. And you, with your podcast, it's unique because you're not necessarily talking about your drinking days and all of that, but you are sharing [00:10:00] real analytical information with your audience.
Gill Tietz: Yeah. I don't actually like to share stories about myself very much. People will ask like, can you tell us some embarrassing things you did or like some consequences that you had? And like, I don't really like to get into it. It's a bad memory. Like all of those memories are horrible. I never wanna think about them again if I don't have to.
And I try to think more [00:10:30] like not about me specifically, just like what's going on, like in our brains and less about like memories.
Collier Landry: Yeah. And you know, I think that I shared with you when I first met you, um, I had read a book years ago called, um, This Naked Mind by Maggie Grace, who also has a podcast, um, called I Believe This Naked Mind actually. And you know how I [00:11:00] discovered that book? Because I think, you know, for me, you know, we shared our personal stories with, with, you know, alcohol.
And for me, you know, uh, and I haven't really discussed it in this much length on my program before, but people do ask me, Oh, why'd you quit drinking? And I said, You know, for me it just wasn't working anymore. And, uh, I think a lot of people approached me and and said, Oh, you know, oh, well were you getting wasted?
Or were you drinking because of your trauma? [00:11:30] And it was like, No, I didn't start drinking until I was in my late twenties , you know, I mean really like drinking. And I was a binge drinker and a lot of it. I always talk about my experience in the entertainment industry. You wrap a show, you go out and party.
And then for me, it's like I didn't stop for a couple of days, you know? And then I would stop and then life would go back to normal, and then another month would roll by and I'd get super stressed out, and then I would go back and it was a roller coaster and it went on for that like, you know, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 years, you know?
And until I finally just said, you know, it started to [00:12:00] slow down in the end because I was, you know, working so much. And obviously I made a film about my life and I, I had pauses in my life where I would like, okay, I'm not gonna drink for six months, but then six months world by, I'm like, Oh, I'll get a beer.
And then, you know, two days later I wake up and I'm like, Okay, I just, you know, this just basically took, took two days off, which I had off. It wasn't like I had responsibilities, but it was beginning to interfere. And, and for me it was the anxiety. I had so much anxiety. And it wasn't really until I discovered that alcohol [00:12:30] was the cause of that anxiety.
Because we, we, you know, one of the things that I. I find very interesting when I read your posts, when I listen to your message, your episodes, you, I mean, you just did a post yesterday talking about, you know how, and Maggie talks about this because she, I believe worked in the marketing industry, right? Yep.
And you know, the placement of bottles when you go into a bar and how sexy everything looks and how [00:13:00] the alcohol industry makes, they glamorize everything, right? They don't glamorize you laying in the street, you know, puking on your peak down your shirt. They glamorize the nightlife and the party life and you know, there are people that can drink like that and have a good time.
But you know, I was not one of those people and you weren't one of those people. So I guess what I'm interested in is, talk to me about your journey of that. When you, where you started, where you said, [00:13:30] this is enough. And then what you decided to do
Gill Tietz: about it? So I started late too. Um, so I didn't start drinking until I was 22.
I had my very first drink at 18 and then I had a big gap. So I didn't drink in high school because I was bullied. So I was just never invited anywhere. And it obviously sucked in the moment, but looking back I see it as really protective because I didn't have the opportunity to get drunk and hook up with [00:14:00] guys or try drugs and like all this stuff, I was protected.
And I imagine like what would've happened if I started sooner or if I was introduced to drugs? So I didn't start until I was 22 and I drank because that's what you do when you're stressed out. Kinda like you were saying a minute ago, Like when you're stressed, you drink and then your stress goes away.
That's just like what we do. And I learned that from other people. Like [00:14:30] modeling that for me and telling me that. And whenever I would be stressed, people would give me alcohol or suggest that we go out and then I would feel better. So then I believe like, okay, this is what, this is what you do, this is what works.
And the problem was I was a very stressed out individual, so I drank every day. . I started doing that like pretty quickly, like within the first year I started drinking every day. [00:15:00] And I also had this belief from the media that that's like what classy adults do. Sure. They come home and they share a bottle of wine and that's like, that's how, you know, like you made it, you know?
Um, except I was drinking more than that. I could pretend. Oh
Collier Landry: yeah, you're like, appetizer. Appetizer.
Gill Tietz: Yep. Yeah, that's, that's what I drink before I even start eating . That's the pregame drinks. It's the [00:15:30] pregame warmup.
Collier Landry: Yeah, exactly.
Gill Tietz: Yeah. Um, and unfortunately for me, I never had control over the amount that I drank.
Um, I just, I couldn't understand like why I would stop when was enough to stop. Like I couldn't understand like, the number of drinks that was enough. Like, some people have that voice where they're like, Okay, three drinks, you know, I gotta get up tomorrow. I, [00:16:00] I had no understanding of that. I was like, Okay, three drinks, four would be more amazing, five would be more amazing.
Like, just keep going until bedtime. Why would you stop? And that got me in trouble a lot. Um, I got really sick a lot. I got sick in public a lot. Um, very glamorous, got sick on dates, , it's like a whole thing. Um, and I just thought it was normal. And that's the worst part, like we think [00:16:30] cuz we laugh off that behavior and people just think it's okay and we think everybody does it.
And slowly over the years I started realizing no one else did it. I hadn't, like you hear that, that's normal behavior, but I wasn't seeing anyone else drink the way that I was drinking. And I was starting to pick up on that. Like, I would watch my husband drink or I would watch my friends or my family or whoever drink random strangers.
And [00:17:00] I never saw anyone drink the way that I did. I never saw. Throw up in the street except for me. Um, I've never seen anyone do that before, but I did it so many times and slowly I started to question like, do I have a problem? Yeah. Am I, am I an alcoholic? Yeah. And then I would convince myself like, no, [00:17:30] me, I have a master's degree.
I'm married. I don't have a dui. Like I would list, I've never missed work because of a hangover. Like I had this big long list of why I didn't have a problem. But I had this question in the back of my head, and I had this knowledge that no one else was doing what I was doing. That my husband, he used to make me so mad because we would drink and party and then he would [00:18:00] switch to water.
And then the next day he would wake up and live his life and continue on. And I would wake up the next day destroyed. And I used to get mad at him, like, Why, why aren't you making me stop too? Like I made it his responsibility. Oh my God, why aren't you helping me? And I tried to like, get him in on it and it was awful.
And I just couldn't stop. I had, I had no off switch. [00:18:30]
Collier Landry: But I'm sure that that's a common thing in a relationship to dynamic, especially if you're married and one person is the norm. Me. Yeah. Right. And they can just have a couple of drinks and they can go, they can regulate and go, Okay, I'm going to water, or switching the coconut water, or I'm gonna do these preemptive, like preemptive things to prevent that hangover.
You know, I, I would often, like, I would take charcoal tablets cuz the charcoal would help, you know, filter out the stuff. So I would, I would, I would prepare with like, I'm gonna take some electrolytes or I remember. Because [00:19:00] for me, I would just suffer through the hangover. Like, Yep. It's so funny. Like I would put alcohol in my system, but if you told me to take an ibuprofen, I'd be like, I'm not putting that in my body.
Like, and I, and I still feel that way. I mean, for me to take an ibuprofen if I took, I'll even tell somebody if, like, if I took, I took an ibuprofen, they were like, Whoa, okay. Because I wouldn't, And I remember, you know, I had friends that would, you know, they would take Xanax to come down and, you know, they'd be going through anxiety and things like that.
And I wouldn't take anything. Right. [00:19:30] And I just remember suffering through the worst hangovers. And for me it would be, you know, then the anxiety would kick in and I couldn't sleep. And then I would show, I, I would have to go to work or I'd have to work the next day, whatever it was doing. And I was just like, I had this, just anxiety.
And then that anxiety would turn into like a rush, right? And then you're, you're under duress, so now you're really gonna focus in and hone in and get. Everything done you need to get done in a very compressed amount of time, which worked. [00:20:00] And so therefore I could convince myself, Okay, well I'm good. I'll work this out.
You know, eventually I, I won't feel like this. And, um, I'll, I'll regulate my, you know, my, cuz it was, I was a binger, right? So, and I'll take three weeks off and I won't do anything. I'll go back to the gym and I'll do this. But it's, it's a vicious cycle. And the mind is such a, you know, they say, I, I, I, you know, I didn't go through the program to, to quit.
Did you go through the program?
Gill Tietz: No, I just quit and then [00:20:30] eventually went to therapy.
Collier Landry: Yeah. So I started therapy and then I actually started taking Lexapro to regulate my, my ups and downs. And then I drank while I took Lexapro. That was not a pretty thing cuz you shouldn't drink when you take something like that, that's an anxiety drug.
And then when I quit, I just started therapy and I actually sought out a therapist who was an addiction specialist or had, who was an addiction specialist, but he had a background in residential treatment. And I was like, look, I come with a whole, like [00:21:00] for me, I can say, here's a documentary. I want you to want
Do your homework. Do your homework so I don't have to spend 10 therapy sessions telling you the introduction to all of this. And then I want to quit drinking because I have anxiety because it's, it's work induced, it's stressed and lifestyle induced. And I'm on this program, I've gotten clean and I've, I've started, I've stopped drinking today and I wanna move forward, you know, And that was how I introd myself to my therapist cuz I wanted somebody that [00:21:30] had that background.
And it's been great. I'm with the same therapist who we are almost two years later and I'm with the same therapist and it's still, and now it's not even, you know, It's a non-issue for me. Right. And I have people that reach out to me that say, How did you quit drinking? And I tell them what, you know, I just, I just stopped like one day.
You're just, if you will just go, I've had enough. I've had enough. I'm good. You know, And you've had enough second chances. You've had enough close calls and [00:22:00] you just say, I'm done. And I think that's, That's where you were.
Gill Tietz: Yeah. And the annoying thing, like I used to go in Facebook groups, even though I was trying to moderate my drinking for almost all of my drinking.
And I would go on Facebook groups, sober Facebook groups, and I couldn't take the hint, you're seeking out sober groups, but you're trying to moderate
Like I wasn't looking for moderation groups. I was joining [00:22:30] sober groups. And I would post about, you know, Oh, I tried this. It didn't work. Or, Whatever. And everyone was so kind to me, and I did that for years.
And what people say often when someone struggles is like, It's okay, You're just not ready. You're just not there yet. And that used to infuriate me. And I know that makes other people mad too, but it's really the truth. And [00:23:00] that's what you were saying, like one day it just clicked and you were ready and you were like, Okay, I'm done.
Like for me, one day it clicked and I was like, Wow, I really can't drink. Like I'm a nightmare. I will never be able to drink any other way. And then I stopped. But yeah, a lot of people will stay in that like not ready stage for so many years. And I hate that we have to say that like, you're not ready, You're not there yet.[00:23:30]
But it takes so much time and. You know, every day that goes by and every time you drink and like blow up your life and then you reflect on it, like you're getting closer at least to that point.
Collier Landry: Yeah. It's interesting for me, you know, I, I was that same way, right? And I would go on, I would go to these, these date, we were probably in the same group looking at the same message.
I would be, you know, researching it. And then again, [00:24:00] it's not a moderation thing. I'd be like, Okay, what did people look, you know, what did people do? And I even went to AA and I would, and I would go to those meeting, this is before I quit, but cuz I would take, obviously I would take breaks. Like, I definitely had periods when I, when I started drinking to when I quit, where I would take, you know, three months off, six months off, you know, a year off.
Um, but then I would come back to it because I wouldn't, it wasn't like, because for me it wasn't, this is never gonna happen again. You know, this is like, I'm just gonna take a period to just do [00:24:30] whatever right. And, uh, it was interesting cuz I would be in those groups or I would go to a, you know, to aa and it was, it was great.
But I would think in those groups, I think to myself, sometimes I'm like, God, I really wanna leave and they wanna have a drink. ,
Gill Tietz: I've heard that from so many people
Collier Landry: cuz you hear people's stories of like their rock bottoms, right? And you're like, Okay, that's depressing. [00:25:00] And I didn't have like a rock bottom story per se.
I mean, I'm, I'm sure I do have a rock bottom, right? But I didn't have a rock, I mean a rock bottom for me. But I wasn't like, okay, I'm gonna be homeless. I have no job, I have no career. It is interfering because, I mean, this is one of the things that my grace talks about is like when you are in that state where you're like, I don't have a.
You're like, Well, I make all this money. I have a great career. I have a family. I'm married. It's not affecting my marriage. It's not like, it's not affecting the things [00:25:30] around me. And you don't really realize that it is affecting the things around you. You're just not aware of that. And as you become aware of that, you go, Oh, okay.
Um, and that's what happened with me is, and then I would be in these, you know, these rooms and I would be like, Okay, well now I really wanna drink. And then you find other people that are not sober that are in there, and then you're like, Okay. And for me it was like, you know, I had a friend who was in the program for 10 years, and then she was like, You need to go to the program.
This guy was like, this was right at the end, right before I quit, like probably a [00:26:00] week before I quit, I met this guy. She's like, Oh, he should be your sponsor. And he goes, Yeah, you need to go. He's like, I go to four meetings a day and I've been doing it for the last, like 10 years, and this is during the middle of the pandemic, of course.
And I said to him, I go, Okay, four hours a day. And I thought about like how much if I broke down, cuz you know, it would be like two or three days a month I would drink, right? And if I broke that down hourly per day, it would be like four. Cuz I was very analytical and I think you're the same [00:26:30] way. So we start going, Okay, well we have this amount of time, we have this amount of time, right?
And I started thinking, well, okay, I spend four hours a day drinking. And I thought, well the whole point of me not drinking is cuz I don't want alcohol to have any control over my life. So what is the difference? Obviously it's a healthier choice to not, and this is not, look for anyone listening, you get help or you can get help if you have a problem.
Drinking 12 step programs, aa, whatever is a great way if you, for you to find a support system hands down. So I'm not, you know, I'm not putting that down for me. It wasn't a [00:27:00] choice that I found worked for me, but for others it's done wonders. Um, but I just remember thinking to myself, I said to him, I said, Well, what is the difference between, other than the health benefits of not drinking, but going to AA four day, four hours a day.
Alcohol still has a control over your life. And he didn't like that very much, but he was like, At least I'm not drinking. But that's when it really clicked with me. I was like, Okay, I don't, I don't even want that. Like then that's not a solution for [00:27:30] me. The solution is cut the shit out and be done with it.
And that's what I did, you know? Um, when you quit, how long did you know? There's, And I would always read things, Oh, it's gonna take you a month to get your sleep back. You're gonna crave sugar, you're gonna have all these things. What was that like for you, those initial first days? Cause I feel like that's where I always wanted to hear with people with the, their sober stories.
Like what, Okay, you just decided this. What's it like 12 hours later? What's it like a day [00:28:00] later?
Gill Tietz: Yeah. So I quit twice, so I did, and, and both are different. That's why I bring it up. So I quit for 90 days. Um, To cure myself so that I could drink normally again. And moderate. I did the 90 days and it wasn't that hard.
So naturally I must have been cured. I wasn't. Um, but when I quit that time, I just, I did it myself. I [00:28:30] didn't get any support. Like I was kind of in those groups on Facebook, but I was just living like the same exact life. I had just plucked out my favorite thing, which was the center of my life. I was a daily drinker, so like my life revolved around drinking alcohol.
So I lived the same exact life just without drinking. Sure. I was angry and cranky, um, and depressed. Like the whole time. [00:29:00] I was so upset. My emotions were everywhere. It, I would get very overwhelmed and not know like what to do about it. And then when I quit the second time, when I quit for good, I had less of that because I also had acceptance and I knew like I had to do some work.
Um, but my sleep was awful. I had really bad insomnia for like three weeks. So sometimes people will reach out to me and they'll [00:29:30] say like, they went back to drinking. Like they tried, they got two weeks and they still can't sleep. And I was like, Ugh, you needed like one more, one more week and now you've reset and you gotta do those two horrible weeks again.
But it takes, everybody's gonna be different. It takes like three to four weeks to see an improvement. For most people it's, your sleep's not gonna be perfect, but it's gonna start to improve cuz withdrawal lasts 14 days. So [00:30:00] if you're doing like a few days or like a week or so, You're still in withdrawal, even if you don't feel like trash every day.
Um, so that was hard. And I had really bad night sweats. I don't know if you got that, but I was so sweaty. My husband and I used to laugh. He stays up later than me. And he would come in the bed and he would just be like, It is, it is so wet in here, . And I just feel like, I'm sorry, [00:30:30] honey. Like it was soaked.
It was so sweaty. Um, and then later the sugar cravings came in. Oh, interesting. Yeah, I didn't have those right away. I had more like withdrawal type things and then later, like the more emotional symptoms and sugar cravings and that kind of thing came in. But sugar cravings can be pretty hardcore.
Collier Landry: Oh yeah.
I remember a guy said to me one time, he [00:31:00] goes, he goes, Eat the sugar. Yep. Don't drink the booze. , eat the sugar. Take the lesser of two evils. Trust me. Yep. And I was like, Oh, okay. I was like, That works. And I, and I, yeah, I, I, but it's, it's wild because I can sometimes go on a little bit of a sugar bender occasionally.
Like I have, well, think I was just in Ohio at a family reunion and it's like, chocolate chip cookies, homemade chocolate chip cookies. I'll eat those till I, till I, you know, turn blue in the case or till they're gone. Like they're [00:31:30] gone and I'm just giving me milk or forget it. But, um, those sugar cravings were just like, I was eating candy and just, you know, and it lasted about a week.
It was, it was, it was, it was crazy. It was, it was a, a thing and you're like, and you think to yourself. And then for me, I think that I realized like, Oh my God, how much sugar does alcohol really have in it? Because I was drinking just vodka. Right? Just like vodka and soda. Right. So no [00:32:00] sweet drinks, like vodka was my thing.
And then if I didn't do vodka, I would do beer, but like high alcohol content, beer, like Tripels or whatever. And so those have very high in calories, like extremely high in calories. And I didn't realize it was just so much tricky. Might as well be drinking Pepsi all day, you know, Or Pepsi. And I would never drink a Pepsi.
Like, you'd be like, Here's Pepsi. I'd be like, I'm not drinking that.
Gill Tietz: Never do. That's gross. That's so bad for you. So bad for
Collier Landry: you. And it just, you're just like, Oh my God. Yeah. I won't take an ibuprofen. You know? [00:32:30] It's, um, it's, it's nutty. I remember that I would be so hungover, but I would always be very regimented going to the gym every day.
So I would go to the gym, like hungover or probably still drunk. Yep. And just try it because I get my workout in or I gotta go to the sauna and sweat it out or whatever. I mean, just the madness would talk to me about the cycle. The cycle of the madness.
Gill Tietz: Yeah, I did that too. I went to the gym six days a week.
I tracked my stupid macros. [00:33:00] I like, I had a notebook where I would like write down my progressive overload. Like I was really serious, hungover every day. Um, it's awful. And part of that is I think, to prove to ourselves that we don't have a problem. See, I, I don't miss the gym ever. If I had a problem, I wouldn't be able to go in the morning.
I wouldn't be able to get up at five 30. Part of it is like proof that we can hold it together. Um, but for me, where the madness comes in [00:33:30] is like, you hold it together like that. Like you're barely holding it together and you're doing, you're going to work hungover, you're going to the gym hungover, and you're, you know, living your life bare minimum, like just getting by.
And then you'll have a really bad night for some reason. Like, you'll just really go for it and just like destroy, like maybe I threw up in the street that night or like threw up in the, on the subway platform or had like a really [00:34:00] bad blackout. Like some, it'll happen like one day you'll just like go way too far and then you can't hold it together and you can't do these bare minimum things.
And then that, that thought of like, maybe I have a problem, starts to creep in. And then, you know, you, you convince yourself you don't, and then you like recover and you go back to your normal low baseline and you're like, Okay, I can't possibly have a problem. I'm going to the gym every day and over and over.
And [00:34:30] then you just keep like getting lower and your baseline gets lower and lower and lower until, for I think both of us, we can't convince ourselves we don't have an issue with it anymore. And then you have to really just look at it and be like, Wow.
Collier Landry: And then you have, you know, at least in my industry, right, entertainment industry, there's a lot of substances. Yep. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, whatever. And I, you know, I would [00:35:00] always find, well, you know, at least I'm not like that guy or this guy isn't where, like you, you have, you find these little comparisons, right?
You go, Well, I didn't do this, or then you, then you, then you realize that you don't have your act together, and then somebody else just points it out. And then you're like, Well bro, but I remember this and that one, you know, you get back and forth into these conversations where you're just literally trying to have, you're, you're, you're literally just trying to convince yourself of like, I don't have a problem.
Somebody said that. You know? And I wanna say it's like Mark Marin, [00:35:30] and then maybe I heard her on his show or something, but he was talking about it. It wasn't, you don't become addicted to the, to the substance anymore. You end up becoming addicted to the madness of it. I mean, I, the vicious cycle. , I think about that with myself.
And I almost wonder, as someone who's been through trauma, like, you know, as I get more, you know, as I have more and more time, right? I start to think about, well, was that a possibility that in sort of, you know, the back of [00:36:00] my mind that maybe perhaps that feeling of uncomfortability and that feeling of stress and duress actually reminded me of a time in my life when I went through, through what I went through personally, the murdered my mother by my father and being abandoned and all this stuff, right?
So maybe it, it made me feel like that, or, you know, and that there was a comfortability with that. I mean, I haven't really fully delved into that too much, but it is definitely something I keep thinking about. I [00:36:30] mean, what do you think about
Gil Tietz: that? I think a lot about that. I have two things to say about that.
Um, I wanna hear. . So along the lines of what you're saying about the madness, I think we get addicted to chaos and drama because it's like all we know and we become comfortable with that and we don't know how to just be, we don't know how to [00:37:00] like have peace and that feels like bad for us. And we like the chaos and the drama and we thrive on it.
And we're like searching for bad friends and bad partners and, and like making things worse than they are so that we can inject all of this chaos into our lives. So I think that's part of it. But another part that's really interesting that I think like specifically applies to you is trauma [00:37:30] changes your brain.
It just changes your brain. And, um, I'll send this to you if you remind me later, but. For sure. There was a study that I love that looked at two groups of people. Neither one had addiction issues. They were normal people. One group had childhood trauma, the other group did not, and they gave them morphine.[00:38:00]
The group that did not have trauma, you know, felt kind of nauseous and like they didn't really like it. The group with the childhood trauma felt euphoric, and I had morphine when I was like 23 or something. I had a really bad kidney infection and I was in the hospital. I thought it was literally the best thing that's ever been invented.
It was amazing, and I've had trauma, but trauma can [00:38:30] change your brain, so, Drugs and alcohol feel more pleasurable, they're more rewarding for you. So then you're more sensitive to the effects. You're more sensitive to both the euphoria, but then also like the anxiety reduction effects and like how it helps you with your stress or helps you with your depression.
Like you become more sensitive to it. So if alcohol does a better job or drugs or whatever it is of fixing your mental health [00:39:00] problem, sure. You're more inclined to do it all the time. Like if you, like my husband drinks two drinks and he starts to feel like tired and like headachey, I drink two drinks.
I'm like, let's go. I, I've never felt this good in my entire life. So that's, so with trauma it makes things like affect you more, so you're more likely to do them. And the more and more and more you repeat the behavior, the easier it is to become [00:39:30] addicted. Sure. So, I don't know your brain. I've never looked at it.
Collier Landry: cracked it open. But,
Gill Tietz: but maybe, Maybe you're more sensitive to the euphoric effects of drugs and alcohol.
Collier Landry: That's a really interesting point. I never thought about that. Yep. And I, I guess I never thought about it because I never, I was never like, Oh, I feel bad about what happened to me, so I'm gonna self-medicate.
Yeah. It was never like, I [00:40:00] was never drinking to self-medicate. I mean, Sure, okay. Like, okay, yeah, the girl breaks up to me. I'll go get was of my buddies. Okay, whatever like that occasionally, right? But it was never like, Oh, I'm living in my trauma. I feel like a bad person. I wanna do this. I just wanna get, No, it was always like, I would drink and I would feel great, and then I wouldn't wanna stop that great feeling.
And then two days later I didn't feel so great when I stopped. And that's what sucked. You know, that's where it was like, okay, this is a [00:40:30] destructive habit for me.
Gil Tietz: Yeah. And the way that mine showed up is I couldn't deal with any emotions. I never, like, I never learned how to do that, and everything would overwhelm me.
I was always like right on the brink of being set off and being like, too overwhelmed to function. Um, and like having a nervous breakdown, like that kind of feeling, alcohol [00:41:00] brought that down. So when I would feel like very overwhelmed, I could drink alcohol, and then I was like, I can deal with my life now.
And I thought it was helping and I wasn't actively like sitting around like, Oh my, my trauma, my hardship. Like all these bad things are happening. But it was those bad things. That then made me incapable of dealing with anything. And that's why I had, it was like my day to [00:41:30] day, just the way that I existed.
That was a result of everything I went through and the, and because I had no tools, I didn't know how to, how to cope, alcohol, fixed it. I started with food and I was like, Okay, if I binge eat, you know, this is, this is fun. Like this makes me feel good. Or if I don't eat at all, like it does this, it makes me feel powerful and like in control.
But then I discovered alcohol and that just did it so much better. And, and [00:42:00] then eventually you have to learn how to actually deal with things. You can't just use like substances or restricting food or like exercising or sex to control your emotions anymore. Yeah, just sugar. Just
Collier Landry: sugar , you know? Uh, It's interesting that you mentioned other things and it's, um, you know, I feel, I feel like [00:42:30] alcohol has this double edged sword, and I know that you speak about this where, you know, Yeah. There's a, there's an ad that literally annoys the living piss out of me, and it's that Jim Beam ad. And if you've seen this, they play it during the NBA game and it's like, wherever Jim Beam is welcome, you'll be welcome too. It's like this thing, and I'm just like, I, nobody is welcome there, . I'm like, literally I'm angry.
And the girl with the nose ring and she's hepping cool. And she's like, [00:43:00] eh, she hands on the thing and she's like, I'm just like, I hate that ad so much. That, and the bud lives the Budweiser Selter ads or soda ads I get. So those are my new ones that I'm just like, I hate those so much because it's this just like this, uh, It's just this welcoming, just like everything is good and life is awesome, and I'm just like, It is so not, And I read something and, and correct me if I'm wrong here, but I remember reading something, and maybe it's even in this [00:43:30] naked mind, but where when you take that sip of alcohol, as soon as you have the alcohol in your body and it starts to process, you're going through withdrawals automatically.
So that's why you want more if you're in that space. Is that true?
Gill Tietz: Yeah. So as you're drinking, you become, you know, more and more intoxicated obviously. And your liver is like fighting like, Oh, we gotta get rid of this. We gotta process it. And then a couple hours after you start, you stop, then you're in [00:44:00] withdrawals and it happens quick, quicker than we realize.
You might still be kind of drunk when it's happening, when you make the switch over and then that makes you crave alcohol because you might have anxiety from withdrawal. Insomnia like we talked about, and alcohol corrects those problems. So now you're craving alcohol to fix the problem that alcohol just caused.
And then you're just making your problems even worse because the longer you drink, [00:44:30] the more like your body learns to rely on it, and the worse your anxiety becomes. Like if you're, you know, I, I started having anxiety after drinking alcohol when I was 28. And I stopped drinking, um, like right before I was 30.
If I was still drinking now at 32, that anxiety would be so much worse. And that's where people get stuck is they drink and drink and drink, and then they start to come down and [00:45:00] the anxiety is so powerful that they just like can't survive. So they drink again, and then they need more and more and more and more alcohol to hold that anxiety off.
And then the anxiety gets so much worse every time they try to stop and it, it makes it so it's like almost impossible for them to stop because the anxiety is so bad.
Collier Landry: It's a vicious cycle.
Gill Tietz: It's so [00:45:30] sad. It's very sad and, and you have to just like, it sucks for the first like two weeks or so, depending on the person, especially that first week. Like it's gonna suck. If you have anxiety after drinking alcohol, like you're gonna feel really bad for the first few days and you're gonna have to just not drink and trust that you're gonna feel better eventually.
But the more we just like [00:46:00] pile on the alcohol, the worse that anxiety gets and then we can't. We can't even try to not drink because it's so bad. Like people will go to the emergency room for anxiety and cuz it's that bad for them. Yep, yep.
Collier Landry: Yeah, they will. It's um, it is, uh, yeah, it is a vicious, vicious cycle.
What would you say to people that are [00:46:30] like, what if you could do it all over again? I mean, obviously you probably wouldn't drink, but if you had to do it all over again, what would you say to someone? Because for some people it almost feels like, you know, when I quit drinking, they were like, God, I can't imagine that it's so difficult like every. How do you socialize? How do you, And even for me, I remember thinking like, How will I be fun? How will I be the, I am way more fun sober. You're super fun. Way more fun. Yeah. You know, , [00:47:00] we're, we're both super fun, we're both super fun. And I, and I'm thinking to myself like, I don't miss any of that. I can actually stay up later, you know, if I'm out with friends and they're, and I was just watching a friend and was at this event and she was just a mess.
And she had this purse that she had bought of, you know, YSL purse. And it felt, and everybody was watching her and just like, Oh, she's just, she was a mess. And she was, I don't know, she showed uploaded, but she got loaded [00:47:30] quick and I just looked at her and I just was, I felt so bad. Cause I was like, Oh, I remember those days.
I mean, she was a mess. And her boyfriend's there helping her and just everybody and, and everyone else was drinking, but no one else was drinking like her. And I just, and I have a, a friend. Who was there, who had also just recently quit drinking, who I had, you know, inspired to like quit drinking, Right. And she was saying, God, I just, I felt so bad for her. I wanted to, you know, I see that and I, but I'm glad that I see that [00:48:00] because I go, Okay, I don't wanna be that person again. Um, what do, but what do you say to that person that's really struggling, like, you know, with not only like these social situations, like how, how do you get through to them?
Gill Tietz: So two things.
Um, the first thing that I would say, are you actually having fun? Like we, whatever you fill in the blank, whatever you think alcohol helps [00:48:30] you with or does for, Are you actually having fun? Are you actually less anxious? Are you actually a better parent? Are you actually less depressed? You know, whatever it is, just question.
It, it, does it actually help? Are you sure? Are you sure you're having fun when you're socializing? Because I thought I was too, and I, like, I humiliated myself so many times. It was awful. That's not fun. Blacking out, getting sloppy, falling down. That's not fun at [00:49:00] all. Um, so question that and pay attention.
Like we don't, Alcohol prevents us from being able to have self-awareness. So this is hard. Yeah. But try to look back on your experiences and instead of saying like, I'm the biggest loser ever. I'm the worst. I hate myself every, everybody thinks I suck. I'm a terrible parent or spouse. Like all of these things where we beat ourselves up.
Try to reflect on the [00:49:30] moment and actually think about what happened, what made you drink? Did you get the outcome that you were looking for? What actually happened in the night? Like we, we focus on that first hour and we're like, Oh, drinking so fun. Like, I feel so much less stress and it helps my anxiety and it, it makes me like more social. Does it though? What about hour four? Like think through the whole experience. That's what I would encourage people to do. And the next morning and when [00:50:00] you go to bed at night, like that counts. That's part of the whole experience. So don't just focus on that like one hour, think about the whole thing and then ask herself that.
Like if she reflected on that and was like, Did I actually really have fun? And she looked back, she'd be like, Ooh, I don't wanna have that kind of fun ever again.
Collier Landry: I think you just made, you made a post recently and you said something like, alcohol doesn't make you socialize, It makes you [00:50:30] tolerate people and experiences that you don't like
Yep. And that is so true. Yep. And it's almost like, I feel like when I say to people, you know, because I, I obviously don't get asked a lot like you do, but they asked me, they were like, Oh, I heard you quit drinking. Oh, I saw that in one of your posts. Or, Oh, I heard you talk about that on the podcast. What did you like, What were you doing?
And I think I was like, you know, one of the things I say is I started doing things that I felt were, [00:51:00] that I, I really wanted to be a part of. And that was a big part for me of like, I'm gonna do activities that I really enjoy. I'm not gonna be around people. I think that a lot of people feel when they quit drinking that they're gonna lose their friend base. I did, I lost a lot of friends. But then I realized that those were my drinking buddies. Those were my friends I could get wasted with. And then when I said, when I was getting sober, then that makes them look at their life, because [00:51:30] then I'm not the sloppy one that they're hanging out with. They're the sloppy ones and they don't like that.
And I lost a lot of friends. Um, but I realized that those were just my party buddies. They weren't really my friends, you know? And I just, uh, yeah. I mean, did you experience the
Gill Tietz: same thing? Yeah, I stopped getting invited to things. Um, yeah, people do. I remember you were talking to me about that. Yeah. People stopped talking to me and I think it was a combination of they thought, [00:52:00] you know, they shouldn't invite me because it might make me uncomfortable, or they don't wanna put me in a, So I think people didn't know like what to do with the sober person.
And I think also, We just didn't have anything in common. Like it's okay for friendships to fade away. Like think about our criteria for having friends. Like if, if you didn't want to binge drink for many, many hours, like I had no interest in talking to [00:52:30] you, and if you did wanna binge drink for many, many hours, cool, let's go.
That's the only criteria. I don't care. , that's it. If you can go and like get drunk with me and keep up and you just wanna go all night, we're best friends. But when you take that away, like do you actually have anything in common? Like often? No. You don't and no. And like for anyone in this position, eventually not right away.
I was [00:53:00] able to flip it around and think like, what if they got sober and I didn't, I would have no interest. And hanging out with them because I, like I just said, I only wanna hang out with people that wanna get destroyed. . Why would I wanna hang out with a sober person? I'm gonna go drink a thousand drinks with a sober person.
No, and especially like when I was questioning it the whole time too, like, I don't wanna hang, I wanna hang out with the people. Like at least I'm not as bad as that [00:53:30] guy. You know? That's who I wanna be friends with, not the sober person. So it's that too .
Collier Landry: I'm not as bad as that guy. I'm
Gill Tietz: not as bad as that guy. Oh, I loved those people. And then I realized too, I realized people were saying that about me. Probably people were probably saying, at least I'm not as bad as Jill. And when I realized that, I was like, Wow, that's, That puts it in perspective, .
Collier Landry: Oh, I know. I know for a fact [00:54:00] that, I mean, I remember I was working on a project and we were partying at the.
Project. It was a party and it was a job that I did, but I was going to bed the night before I come off, like turning one off and I decided to go out with my friends. They're like, Come on out with us. And then I, I, you know, I was already like, woo lit up when I arrived and then I just remember somebody, I didn't really remember the day.
It's not that I passed out or anything, I was just lit like a Christmas tree the whole time. And I remember saying something, [00:54:30] Yeah, we kind of knew when you were eating a sub and it fell down on your shirt and you were like, Oh, like, I was like, Oh my God, I did
Gill Tietz: that once I did that. And it was so embarrassing, ,
Collier Landry: but I had no idea it happened.
I didn't remember, I know that I just embarrassed myself and I was just so ashamed and it took me a long time to get over that. And um, yeah, I just, ugh, it was terrible. I mean, that was years ago, but you know, that didn't cause me to get [00:55:00] to be like, Oh, I should stop. I was like, whatever. I mean, well actually I did stop.
I stopped for like, I think I took like six months off again. I was like, Okay, I need to get this, rain this in and not have these experiences. But you know, it was back to usual, you know, back to normal. Yeah. And I think that, you know, a, a again, it's always like that for me, it was like the stress release.
It's like, okay, I've just pulled 30 working days in a row, and it's, and it's like, you know, they say, Okay, can you moderate your drinking? I think the, the better question is, can you moderate your life so you don't have to [00:55:30] drink? Like, what does that look like? You know? That's what I learned to do. I learned to say, okay, to have to set boundaries with myself, to set boundaries with other people.
And sometimes it, like, I'm a far from a perfect human, but sometimes I think that, you know, I, you know, and, and, and I do let people push my boundaries a lot. I'm a creative, I'm a naturally a people pleaser is as someone who comes through trauma, right? But I think that at the end of the day, You know, when [00:56:00] I, when I set those boundaries, I was like, Okay, boom, now I can really, uh, now I can really get ahold of this and I can, because instead of regulating the drinking, which I can't regulate clearly, I'm gonna regulate the activity that leads me to drink.
Gil Tietz: I love that. Yeah. Um, what that made me think of is like, we're always trying to get through life. We're just like hanging [00:56:30] in, surviving the day, constantly need a reward for everything. Like, you lived another day in your life and now you need to be rewarded for, for making it through Tuesday. Um, but the way when I stopped drinking, I didn't know this until I stopped, but I realized like my life could actually be good.
My life could be the good part. [00:57:00] That could be the reward part. I don't need to have, like, my life doesn't have to be like a big giant piece of crap. And then I get this little treat at the end, you know, this little like drinking treat. It's like, Oh, good job. You lived like another horrible day in your life.
Like, have a little bit of wine, like your life can be the good part. And that's, that's eventually what I, it took some time, but that's eventually what I realized. That's a
Collier Landry: beautiful statement. That is
Gil Tietz: [00:57:30] so true. It is. And it's so empowering when you realize like your life can be good. Like maybe it's gonna take some time to get there and cuz you know, we're not building like this amazing life while we're drinking all the time and like blowing it up.
But you can, without alcohol around, you can build a life that you like and it might take you. Six months. It might take you two years, it might take you five [00:58:00] years, whatever it is. But you can like get to a place where you're generally happy most days with your situation. And that is the, like, I wake up and I'm just like, Yes.
I get to like, sometimes I can't sleep. I'm like so excited to just like wake up and just like live in my life, you know? I'm so excited about it. Where before I would wake up and I'd be like, Oh, this again. Right. [00:58:30] So depressing. I'm so anyone who's, who's there, we see you and we feel for
Collier Landry: you. Yeah. And you can get there.
Yep. You can do it. I mean that's the, the big point of my podcast is you can make it through this unspeakable trauma and come out the other side. Okay. I mean, you know, There, there are support systems, There are people that, there are people that have been through this before [00:59:00] you. If you're sitting there struggling with this, and there are people that you can find and there are people that are not gonna judge you or make you feel bad because trust me, our stories are probably way worse.
Way worse, , or we can match you a story for story. It's interesting you say you don't like to talk about that on your podcast cuz you don't like, and it's, it's almost like you feel like it might be a glorification. And I, I totally concur with that. It's, it's, you know, some people, you know, Oh, I don't like to think about that either.
You know, I [00:59:30] share that little meatball, sub fallen on my shirt, but I, I don't like to think about things like that. And it's embarrassing too. It's so embarrassing. It's embarrassing. You let something that, that is so preventable. I mean, because I, I was a bartender for years. I didn't drink. I mean, occasionally when I, when I say drink, I just, you know, I wasn't drinking, like I wouldn't drink while I worked.
I would taste the drinks to make sure they were good. If I made something for special for someone, put a little straw on it, dip, okay, great. But I would never, you know, I wasn't like drinking while I [01:00:00] was working like all my other fellow bartenders, I had a complete control over it. You, it's, it's so wild.
And then I think once I harnessed that mentality again, said, Okay, I can do that again. You know, here I was, I could have drank all day working at a bar. They wouldn't have cared, you know, everybody was drinking. It wouldn't have mattered. And I realized that like, oh yeah, I can do that again. I can harness that in my life.
And I think, you know, filling your life with activities that really fulfill you and enrich you to [01:00:30] replace that, you know. What do you think about the replace replacement theory? A lot of people, you know, say what,
Gil Tietz: what are your thoughts on that? People will try to replace alcohol with some other like thing.
And I don't think that works. Like, I think people, you know, you'll see, I don't know if you saw this in those Facebook groups that you were in, but this used to make me so mad they'd be like, Oh, just have tea or have [01:01:00] sparkling water in a pretty glass. And I'd be like, You don't understand. You don't understand anything.
That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard in my entire life. Um, so I don't think you can just like, swap out your drink because alcohol is like doing something. Tea tea's not doing that. You know, only bad stuff is gonna do what alcohol did. Like sugar. That's another reason we gravitate towards it. Right.
But I think like adding [01:01:30] things in, because when I drank, I removed everything. From my life that wasn't alcohol. I didn't, I lost all my interests. I lost all my hobbies. Um, I lost my friends that didn't wanna party. And I removed all of these things from my life so that I could just have my alcohol. And then when you try to stop for me, like I didn't have anything.
I had like the bachelor and like a thousand hours of TV to watch every day. [01:02:00] Like, that's gonna make you miss drinking. And you have to find, like, I tried Brazilian jiujitsu and like I choked out the instructor and I felt like so cool about it. But you have to like try. I, I wouldn't do that when I was drinking and have time for that.
You can't drink while you do that. Especially that, Yeah, you can't do that hungover. So I think like adding in activities and then that replaces it. So, so kind of like a roundabout way, but I don't think you can [01:02:30] say like, I'm not gonna have my wine, but I'm gonna have. Sparkling water in a pretty glass, Like that's not really gonna do it for you, right?
It's not gonna do anything. You're gonna drink it, and it might work for like a day or two, and then you're gonna be like, Meh, where's the wine? Where's the real drink?
Collier Landry: Totally, totally.
Gil Tietz: Or people will do it to, um, with na drinks. They'll try to drink na [01:03:00] drinks instead of real drinks. And if you're like, some people can have like one non-alcoholic beer, and then it's like, cool.
And it's, it's like a nice little social thing, and then they move on. But if you're slamming a six pack of Heineken Zeros in your house by yourself, that's a whole different thing. Now you're like, you're drinking for some outcome. Like you need to, you need to think about your intention for whatever you're bringing into your life and.[01:03:30]
Yeah, do something crazy. That's my advice. Something totally crazy. That's why I picked jujitsu, cuz I never played sports. I don't run, I'm not active. I didn't even know how to do a summeral when I went and I was like, what's the craziest thing I can do? And then I decided that is it. And it really pushed me outta my comfort zone.
And it's a cool memory. Like I can tell people forever that I did it. So I would say pick something totally nuts and then just [01:04:00] try it within reason. I love it. I love it. This is great. Yeah. Why not? Then you're distracted.
Collier Landry: Um, one last thing. Obviously you are married. Mm-hmm. and you were struggling with this while you were married.
What do you say to spouse? Of people who are going through this, Like how do they, you know, it's obviously Al-Anon and things like that, but like outside of that, like how do they support their, what is the best way for them to support their [01:04:30] partner who's
Gil Tietz: struggling? That is so hard. Anyone who's in that situation like that is so hard to just, to watch the person that you love just like completely destroyed themselves.
Um, what my husband did that I think was really helpful is he never shamed me. He never said like, I don't think you need another drink. Or like, Haven't you had enough to drink? Like he never made comments [01:05:00] about my drinking. Cuz then that makes me drink more. If you're gonna come and maybe I've had enough.
Well now I'm gonna have 10 more, so thank you. Yeah. Right. Thank you very much sir. Um, I think being careful, like not to inject more shame into that person's life. Because even if you don't know it, they do feel a lot of shame. And there are things like commenting on how much they're drinking, haven't you had enough?
And things [01:05:30] like that can add more shame. And so that was something helpful that he did. And he was just always there for me. Like I never felt like I was alone. Um, he always took care of me. So then when it came time where I really wanted to make a change, I felt so safe going to him. I felt, yeah, like there was no judgment.
He wasn't gonna be like finally, like I knew he was just gonna [01:06:00] support me. Um, and I think you can also kinda sneak attack. Your family member. Like if they start to complain about how bad they feel, instead of saying like, you know, maybe it's because you drank 10 beers last night. You could say, Why do you think you feel so bad today?
Why do you think your anxiety is so bad? And ask questions because you telling us that our drinking is a problem [01:06:30] is gonna make us retreat from you and wanna drink more. But the goal is to help us realize it's actually a problem. So being inquisitive and helping us, like become aware of the consequences will help like break through that denial.
And also not protecting anyone from their consequences. Like if they're, if they have to call out of work sick, you don't make that call for them. They deal with those consequences. You don't like [01:07:00] clean up their mess. Like they have to really see it. They have to see like, This is the outcome from my drinking.
They have to have a clear idea and then they can like get out of the denial and stop.
Collier Landry: There you go. I mean that's, that is so key. That is so key. Building that trust with your partner and then that lays the foundation for them to get healthy.
Gil Tietz: Yeah. You want them to feel like they can come to you. Cuz if they try to do it [01:07:30] alone and they're like unsuccessful, like it just support increases their chances of success.
And if they can come to you and then also, you know, like all these books and resources and podcasts and like meetings, like, then you can help them and then they can like really make a change.
Collier Landry: That's wonderful. Uh, okay, last thing, What are you up to? So you just got back from podcast movement 22 in Dallas.
What's like, what's next for you? What's [01:08:00] on the horizon?
Gil Tietz: I'm very busy. Um, As a business woman, , I, I love this. I own a podcast network, um, a very popular mental health podcast and I'm trying to grow it and get ridiculous amount of exposure for my awesome shows that are in the network. Really, I just wanna grow and I wanna help people eventually.
I would love to write a book, [01:08:30] but I think that's like far. I think you would, you should write a book too. I wanna write a book so badly. Yeah. Yeah. That would be a good book.
Collier Landry: It's just the pod getting the podcast, the point where that can sustain. That is where I want to get to. Yeah,
Gil Tietz: it's a
Collier Landry: lot of work, but that's working my butt off for it, but sometimes there's some steps taken backwards, which is a problem.
Um, this is great though. Um, so you got the network. How many shows do you have now?
Gil Tietz: Um, I have four shows including mine, but I might have two more joining very soon [01:09:00] and hopefully a lot more after
Collier Landry: that. And you're gonna increase that bill on, uh, Megaphone.
Gil Tietz: Yeah, that megaphone bill is gonna be ridiculous.
It's gonna hurt. It's a good thing.
Collier Landry: It's a good thing though. It's a good thing. I love this. Jill, thank you so much for joining us. So, real quick, where can people find you? You have the Sober Powered Podcast and Sober Powered Media is your network. Right? But where else can
Gil Tietz: they find you? Yeah, so if you search Sober Powered, you'll find me.
If you wanna learn about my awesome network [01:09:30] that's sober powered media, I worked very hard on my website. I'm very proud of it. It's, it's a great website. Thank you. I put my podcast movement, um, speaker picture on there yesterday. And I feel like, you know, like a cool girl. .
Collier Landry: You are a cool girl. You don't feel like one, You are one
Gil Tietz: Maybe someday. Oh,
Collier Landry: that's great. Um, thank you so much, Jill, for your time. You have a great day. Thank you. I [01:10:00] think that is about as honest of a conversation I can have, and Jill is just such a great support, a great inspiration. And again, if you guys are struggling or any, you know, someone who's struggling with, with, you know, alcohol or substance abuse and is looking for some help or just to engage in a community that it doesn't involve like a 12 step program or, you know, a sort of religious guidance, it's just sort of on your own accord what you want to do and have some people help you hold yourself [01:10:30] accountable, uh, you can find that through Jill's, uh, Sober powered media through Sober Powered podcast and through her network of people and myself, I'm always open.
You guys wanna DM me, I'll read it. , I'll talk to you. Uh, I'm happy to support you guys. Um, so yeah, I, uh, you know, I, this was a conversation was a long time coming. A lot of people asked me about stuff like this. I'm gonna tell you something, I don't miss drinking at all. Um, my finances don't either. [01:11:00] you know, I think when you start to think about it, and if it's taking a toll on your life and you wanna make a change, I'm here to support you on that.
And if you don't, that's totally cool too. I'm, I'm with all of it. Um, I just support you guys and I love that you support me and I'm here for you and, uh, whatever you need. So, uh, on that note, I'm Collier Landry and this is moving Past Murder. Thanks y'all.
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