Letters from Prison: A Father's Day Tribute to a Horrible Father
It's a Father's Day special day! In episode 42 of Moving Past Murder, Collier reads letters his father sent him years ago from prison. They look into the mind of a killer who still thinks he has a chance to overturn his guilty verdict... as long as he can get Collier back on his side. Hear how Collier's dad says he still gets angry when he thinks about Collier testifying against him on the witness stand during his murder trial. You'll hear Collier's take on his dad's manipulation, gaslighting and twisting of facts.
Collier's dad tries to win back the son who put him behind bars.
Hear how Collier didn't even know his own grandmother had passed away… Until he called and tried to talk to her on what happened to be the day of her funeral.
Do his remaining relatives have any interest in reconnecting?
Hear more about the man Collier considers his REAL father after his family fell apart.
Father's Day is an emotional time for Collier. It's a national holiday that reopens old wounds and forces Collier to confront his past trauma.
Full Transcript Below
Collier Landry 0:02
Vinci's qui petite her, which is probably Latin it means he who endures will conquer keep that as a guide in your life while you're Damn straight. I am fine considering the horror I have been through. I will endure for the sake of the family honor and name I will endure for my parents and grandparents you must do the same. Jesus man what? I am fine considering the horror that I have been through. You created the horror bro. Like what are you talking about man like unbelievable?
Intro Stinger 0:42
Testimony continued today in the most notorious criminal trial in Richland County history. Dr. John Boyle is accused of killing his wife marine and burying her body in the basement of his new home in Erie, Pennsylvania. The 12-year-old son finally took the stand. I heard a scream I heard about this loud we had a jury find the defendant guilty.
Collier Landry 1:01
When I was 12 years old. My Testimony sent my father to prison for murdering my mother. This podcast serves as a type of therapy and reconciliation for myself. And it is my hope that helps anyone who has experienced deception betrayal and dark Trump. I'm Collier Landry and this is moving past murder
Hey movers what's going on? Welcome back to another episode of moving past murder. I'm your host Collier, Landry. What's going on? Everybody? watsco we know what's going on what's going know. Oh. Happy to be back with you guys again for another episode. This one's gonna be a good one. I mean, they're all good ones. Right? I like to think so. I mean, that is what what y'all are telling me. I wanted to give a special shout-out to everyone who is joining me here from the Tik Tok community from the social media interwebs. Those of you that are discovering the podcast every week. It keeps getting bigger and bigger. And I'm really appreciative of it. I'm appreciative of you guys liking and subscribing on YouTube because it helps with the algorithm. I am appreciative of all these great reviews I am getting on Apple podcasts and Spotify. For those of you listening on Apple podcast, Spotify, Google, podcasts, Stitcher, wherever you get your podcasts whether you discovered on my website, call your landry.com or whether you just are coming to it because a friend told you about it. Thank you so much for those of you finding me on Tik Tok, which is my new favorite thing. Thank you again for embracing me and and for those of you that are supporting me on Patreon patreon.com forward slash call your Landry Thank you very much. And don't forget IG lives every single Tuesday 11am Pacific 2pm Eastern time. Okay, that is the spiel. It is really cool to be back. This is an interesting week for me. It is an interesting holiday because it is Father's Day and I thought what better way to celebrate Father's Day, then as per your requests. Letters from my father. For those of you that can see these on YouTube there they are addressed to me Oh as my old address from my father in prison. And these are around a Father's Day sort of time. It looks like judging by the envelope we'll see. Well, one says 13th of May the other one says 16th of June. I don't know. We'll figure it out. But yeah, and as you guys know, when I read these letters, it is you know it is me looking at it for the first time since it was sent to me however many years ago these are from 1994. We've kind of been saying in the 1994 era on the last letter the tape episode the interview that you guys have heard with it was super wacky with my father's spouting conspiracy theories ahead of his attempted appeal. There's a lot that was an interesting doozy of a year I was a junior in high school right before. Yeah, junior in high school. Well, I guess around this time, I was still a sophomore. But anyways, whatever I was of that age 1617 interesting time in a young man's life. Anyways, on that note, let's get into our listener question review through the DMS. This one comes from Valerie Oh 973 via my new favorite app, Tik Tok. And she says, Hey, listen to your episode this morning, answering questions from tick tock. And I had to share a very funny moment. And that was when you said Italian mothers believe their firstborn sons can do no wrong. Having been married to a narcissist firstborn son of an Italian mother this is so damn true. So glad that Chapter My life is over. Kind of. He just needs to be a good dad. I digress. Loves the show. Love the show. Your episodes just get better each time. and read more letters. Well, Valerie, guess what? We're going to do just that. And of course, I asked her, I'm like, Well, what letters are you talking about? She's like, yes, your dad's letters from prison in prison. It is interesting to hear what's going on in his mind during the different years of his incarceration. Well, I think so too. So on that note, we're gonna get into this episode, this special Father's Day episode of moving past murder. And we've got two letters and one feels like it has a card in it. So we're going to check that out. All right, so this one is dated May 23 1994. This does indeed have a card that says, Go bumper. So for those of you that don't know, my father's nickname for me growing up was bumper. Why do I get that nickname because I grew up the first part of my life on a naval base outside of Dahlgren, Virginia. And when I would point to the airplane nose cones that held all the radar.
I would call it a bumper. And so my mother and him, always call me bumper. Let's see what this says. Call you're always keep your faith in Christ. If you have faith, nothing shall be impossible unto you, says Matthew 1720. Okay, thought you might get a kick out of this creation. I am and always will be very proud of you now write me a letter. Much love x x x. Oh, Daddy 512 1994 May 12 1994. Very interesting. This is Garfield standing with a tennis racket. I play tennis in high school for those of you that may or may not know. And is probably my favorite sport, I'd say to play for sure. And now what was accompanying they're in another envelope that was stuck together is another letter and this one is dated June 16 1994. So a few weeks later, Boo Boo boop. For those of you who are watching on YouTube, you can see the actual envelope. For those of you that are listening, you'll just get to hear my wonderful commentary. I was going to attempt to read this without glasses because it just looks so much better on the video. But a lot Alas, I am stuck with glasses. So my little reading glasses courtesy of amazon.com Thank you very much for making deals on all kinds of cheap stuff that we get to purchase, I might be able to actually read this. I'm kind of proud of myself if I do Sunday evening, fifth of June 1994. Now I want to lead into this letter. So okay, I'm reading these letters per listener requests. I know that these letters all really seem to help you guys I know they helped me reading them, but they kind of give you an inside track into the mind of a sociopath. sociopathy, narcissism, gaslighting, all those wonderful things we're all so fond of. Not really, but it is really important that we recognize these things. So I'm just sharing these as a first hand experience. This is kind of, you know, this is a period of my life. So I'm 16 years old at this time, and this is my father writing me, I have no idea what he's gonna say. Like I said, Don't read these letters until I read them on the program. I'm sharing this because this is a special Father's Day, episode. And to be honest with you, man, it is really bittersweet for me because I I'm grateful that I have a father. I'm grateful to be born, and wouldn't have that without a father. On the flip side, my father is a fucking nightmare, to say the least. And, you know, he's in prison for murdering my mother Premeditatedly murdering my mother. And it's always difficult for me, because I think about this time, like if I was a father, and what I'd be saying to my son, I mean, look, I'm I'm not his age at this time, but I'm a few several years younger, but it's interesting. So anyways, this letter is dated Sunday evening, fifth of June 1994. It says, Dear Collier, I was very glad to receive your letter. When I do not hear from you. I think that there is something wrong or that you never received my letters. So it is reassuring to hear from you. And know that you are well. Someday as a parent, you will be sensitive to these same inputs. I was glad to see that you're being kept busy. That way you will not wander into any trouble. Really. Not that you might be the originator of any trouble. But on the contrary, it might come looking for you, the clerics all always used to say that an idle mind is the devil's workshop. There is some truth to that expression. I give this idle hands are the devil's workshop and I'm Oh no. So what were you, daddy? So what were you dad? Who knows?
Oh boy. I can imagine that the closing of the Scholastic year and the associated parties would keep you busy, very understandable. I'm glad to see that I did the Garfield card up correctly. You did very well with your tennis game. I think that is a very fine tennis year for someone at your age of the game. See, I knew you use a square racket. Ha. I guess so. Mommy and I were never great tennis players. Uncle CJ. That's my father's brother. A good played a good tennis game and a very good squash game. He would beat me constantly. No falling. A very good squash player. I don't know what following is fo ll ing your size and weight sound good. I am six three and weigh 195 pounds in the prison. All we get is very fatty food. So I'm extremely careful of all the things including my diet. I'm very sorry, I am extremely careful of many things, including my diet. You should grow some more. Also, don't worry about the gravity bound white boy thing. That is a myth. I could dunk as a senior it took that long to develop the skills I played against very good white boys that could that could leap through the ceiling with a single bounce. So forget the color thing. Okay. Don't cancel me guys. This is a letter I'm reading on the growing thing. Make sure you have adequate footwear. Don't let your feet get cramped with small fitting shoes. You will pay the price later on in life. Always check your feet daily before retiring very important. I mean, this is just so this is like how these letters often start off with this like family advice or the so sorry, this father like advice that he likes to give me and then I guarantee there's going to be a manipulation twist in here 100% For certain because he can't he just can't help it. I mean, he just can't help it. This is it. I am very pleased that the rainbow choir group and your quote command performance. We are all very proud of you. Mommy has a tin ear and could never carry a tune. My mother actually used to say she could ever carry a tune in a bucket that was kind of funny. I was half decent inquire at school but there was an but that was another type of environment. The real challenge is when the monks had us awake at 6am singing the requiem mass in Latin every Friday morning. That was a real challenge. Believe me ha on the dealing with the quote girls Oh boy. sage advice coming from my father who was a chronic womanizer and philanderer is now going to give me advice on women I wonder what he would say about my current situation in my dating life? Oh boy, are they dealing with the quote girls? Well, that's a part of life and growing up. Just do not be too eager or too committed at this early age is important to get your head on and its proper footing. And yes, yes, I agree that it's very difficult to live with or without them. Caution is the Byward Oh, boy, you will meet Oh, here we go. Okay. Here he is giving some advice. You will meet the correct girl in your life when the time comes. So do not quote rush things. It is only the exceptional person like mommy that one meets in a lifetime. Perhaps you will have the same opportunity as I had. Okay, great. All right. So let me see if I got this straight. So you saw my father who murdered my mother is telling me how exceptional of a woman my mother was that he murdered. That he was having multiple affairs on that he impregnated a girlfriend slash mistress while he was married to her before he murdered her. But she was a special person a once in a lifetime. Well, I mean, I know that but come on, man. And this is the thing with my father. I mean these letters are just just insane sometimes. Well, they're always the same. By the way, have you read the book Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger. This is normally read in school at your age group. I enclosed at the end of this letter and address and the name of a book that might help you. It should be in your school vocational office or check it out at the mall bookstores. I don't know about Wendy's. You might get real sick of hamburgers really quickly. Oh, I remember when he's talking about this cuz I actually got a job at this time
working at Wendy's, which for those of you that don't know, Wendy's is a hamburger joint that I worked at in high school flipping burgers, which was like my first real, real job. I mean, yeah, outside of babysitting, so interesting. Wow. I don't know about Wendy's you might get a real you might get real sick of hamburgers really quickly. Ha, just remember, be on time punctual. And don't be trying to be the quote, smart guy and don't be giving away the boss's profits. This is also a learning experience in dealing with the public. Remember, you will be the object of looks and stares because of whom you are. Oh boy, you are the son of Noreen and Dr. Jack. People know this, and will be watching you perhaps out of curiosity or perhaps out of genital jealousy. Who knows and who cares. But you must conduct yourself with pride and honor.
Here we go. As I said, here comes the manipulation. You are the result of two very proud families. The blood flows in your veins. The genes are there in you have to very good people. Never forget that whatever occurs never forget, exclamation point, exclamation point. I imagine when the arc Akron Beacon journal article comes out, you will be in for some stairs, but do not let that bother you. You must conduct yourself with honor and pride. Well, it is pride month. So that's interesting. Happy Pride Month by the way to all my LGBTQ plus friends out there having pride month. This is This is so crazy to me because now he's alluding to this article. So the article is alluding to is there is an a news reporter named Ted joy, who wrote an article for the Akron Beacon journal, he was an investigative journalist, and he was writing an article about my father's appeal. And much like the episode that came out a couple of weeks ago called the tape where my father is interviewed on this Christian radio station with Dr. Or sorry, not Dr. G's. Pastor Ernie Sanders and Jim Cluse are actually just pastors and Bernie Sanders that interviewed him. You know, he's sort of spouting his conspiracy theories now that this letter is dated, when I say the fifth of June 1994, that interview comes out came out in like, December 29 1994. So six, seven months later, almost seven months later, or six months later. So what's very interesting is he's setting all this up. So this article came out in the Akron Beacon journal that essentially, and this reporter spoke to me back then, but essentially, the the article alludes to the fact that my mother's body was not that of my mother, potentially. Which is a lot to swallow as a young man. And so much so that when that, that assertion, or sort of theory that it wasn't my mother's body, and this was based on things like eye color, her eye color was wrong, her body weight was wrong. That it was, look is a lot for me to deal with, because there was a lot of a lose, you know, people alluding to the fact that a it wasn't my mother's body. And that's a lot to take in, especially as someone who, who was absolutely convinced that his father murdered his mother. So much so that I testified at my father's trial for two days against him. For the prosecution, so I remember this time, and, you know, when the episode of the tape came out, a couple weeks ago, I was talking to my adoptive parents, Jordan, Susan Ziggler. And we were discussing this particular time of just sort of, you know, the confusion that I had as a young man and sort of the, their willingness to aid me in that and to make sure that I got the answers that I that I was looking for, and so much so that they, you know, my adoptive father, George took me to give DNA evidence, you know, gave blood and mind you, this is 1994. So DNA evidence and research and things like that is is a lot different than it is nowadays. You know, it was very primitive at that time, and even then, it was really, really good for what it was, but it is involved evolved, obviously, with technology, you know, exponentially. So I was in a really confused state. So my father is again, teeing this up to sort of plant seeds of doubt in my mind because he's going to seek an appeal with his, with his lawyer or I believe was named Tom Adgate. So he was going to seek this appeal. And he was going to, you know, try to get out of prison and try to essentially throw me under the bus soon enough saying that I was manipulated by the prosecution and yada yada all this wonderful stuff. But let's continue because this is a very interesting now because now the, as we see the tide has changed from the fatherly advice to now like, oh, here, I'm gonna allude to all of these things. And yeah. Oh, boy. Okay. But I should know that I am the result of two very proud families and the blood that flows through my veins are the genes of very, two very good people. Oh, man.
I believe the article will be out in about two more weeks. It is in the editing process. And I think Ted said it will be ready on 19th of June 1994. As soon as I know for certain I will let you know the exact dates. Ted has reassured me that the Akron Beacon journal is committed to publication as they have spent more than $50,000 on researching the story, I mean, $50,000 I most certainly hope not that they didn't spend that kind of money back then in 1994. That's, it's a lot of cake. Now. That's a lot of cake back then. That's for sure. Could you $1,000 on researching the story, plus the Akron Beacon journal was threatened and some files broken into by unknown individuals. So they are hot to print the story. I mean, here we are, this is more of the this is more of the conspiracy theory playing out right before our eyes again, you know, again, this is going to this is going to tie in to the to the past episodes is very interesting. We're sort of stuck in this 1994 period of time right now because it is going to start to elude and it's going to just all kind of morph into this whole thing that my father, he's teeing up all this conspiracy theory. And here we go even more. We are preparing another appeal before the federal court. scheduled to be there on the 20th of June 1994, which is Uncle CJs birthday, which is my father's brother, my godfather. Again, one of the people who I've never really heard from at all it was not in my life who I've tried multiple times to get into my life and keep in my life and to no avail. Anyways, doesn't matter. We're preparing another appeal before the federal courts scheduled to be there on the 20th of June which is Uncle CJs birthday. So more waiting, but the quote bombshell article will start on or about the 19th of June time period and run for four days. George will probably get the paper for you while George meaning my adoptive father, cobras air. Boy, do you sure have your mother's taste for the sporty cars. Mommy and I were always car nuts. So I guess you come with that naturally. Now I think I'm probably talking about a cobra because my uncle Bill, who was my grandfather's younger brother, my grandfather, Grandpa Ziegler's younger brother, Bill Ziegler, whose wife Wanda was recently passed away. God rest her soul. And Bill who does listen to the program. He does not necessarily agree with why I'm doing the program, but he is my family and I love him and he used to have a corporate kick car red Cobra, and I'm probably told my father that So shout out to you, Uncle Bill. If you are listening, Bill Ziggler. Mommy and I were always car nuts. So I guess you have you come with that naturally. Mommy and I always attended the SCCA races when we were growing up in PA Pennsylvania. Car Racing like you have at the Lexington racetrack. Lexington racetrack is the Mid Ohio sports racetrack which is in Lexington, Ohio, where they have they have some pretty big races. I don't you know, I've been to it a few times. I'm not really sure who all goes there but I'm sure it is very cool. Um, I mean, I saw the original cobras run in the 1963 64 and clobber the Corvettes and the Ferraris hands down. They are very exciting cars on Sherry and Chrissy at your home. This is interesting. Okay, so at this time, my adopted parents were trying to cultivate a relationship with my half sister Chrissy. Who okay, this is 1994 so she would have been four years old. And with her mother, Sherry Campbell and as good parents who have adopted the sun, they always wanted to cultivate this relationship. So she would come to the house which was honestly very daunting for me. cuz I had a lot of issues with her. I think a lot of people would understand that. But at the same time, my parents were trying very genuinely to, to make sure that we had a relationship growing up because I was not able to have a relationship with my sister Elizabeth who was adopted. And you know, she was pretty much I was pretty much expatriated from her life and pariah. And, you know, she
I think they wanted to at least see that relationship come to fruition, which it ultimately did for a while until I made the film but I'll continue on sharing and Chrissy at your home. Remember that Chrissy is just four years old, she's four years old. So there we go. It's just four years old and hasn't seen much of you. So she will be shy, she is your half sister be courteous and loving, that is another mark of responsibility that you are learning. I can understand your feelings about the divorce, but at this time, you still do not have enough information to make a rational decision on the divorce. I still get angry when I think about your conduct at the trial. Oh boy. Oh, wow. I still get angry when I think about your conduct at the trial. I realize you were manipulated to conduct yourself that way. Someday you will see what I am talking about. But the issue for the moment is that you must be cordial and on good behavior at all times. I will it will make a better person have you understand? Wow. I see my father literally says to me I still get angry when I think about your conduct at the trial. I realize you were manipulated to conduct yourself that way someday you will see what I'm talking about. Let us be very clear for the record yet once again. I was not manipulated it's actually the this shits actually insulting to me because my father mentioned it in the tape letter the the the pastor or any Sanders mentioned it in that interview. And a lot of people who were staunch defenders of my father all tried to say and allude to the fact that I was manipulated by the prosecutor James J. Mayer Jr. Jerry alt his assistant prosecutor David mess more. The police basketball police department as a whole yada yada yada. Let me be clear for the record for those living in the cheap seats. I was not fucking coached manipulator anything. Do you understand that I testified at trial for two days. And how hard that shit is to remember to keep straight if I was lying or manipulated a child on a witness stand in front of television cameras, having his testimony, broadcast live over television through a courtroom full of people, okay, you can't imagine the pressure that I was under as a child to be able to do remember some sort of rehearsed script, or narrative or false narrative is utterly fanciful. To think that anyone, let alone an adult but let alone a child could actually remember something like that, under that kind of pressure and duress is insane. No one planted in my mind of the fact that on the morning of December 31 1989, I awoke to a scream and the sound of too loud thuds when I woke up that next morning after I pretended to be asleep as my father looked in my room or believed my father, I come downstairs the next morning after not finding my mother after seeing all our sheets scattered and not in the bed not made and not finding her or any blood or anything. I confront my father and my father says Mommy took a little vacation call your verbatim nobody planted that in my head because I'm the one that told police investigators that because that's exactly what happened. And for those of you that have seen the film A murderer in Mansfield, you know how the quote unquote final scene showdown epic conclusion whatever we want to call it in the film when I confront my father in prison does go down because he does admit well, a little bit just watch the film. But I will tell you something man. Has Happy Father's Day. I mean, again, this is the gaslighting This is the manipulation, you know and he and here I still get angry when I think About your conduct at trial. I mean, that's crazy.
And by the way, you must never forget that you're the result of two people that loved each other very much at one time. You were conceived from love. You are not a quote, unwanted person by the family. This is 1994 My father rice is telling me that my family that I'm not an unwanted person, by my family, and by my family, he's referring to not only my my father's side of the family, my uncle CJ my Mimi at the time, my father my grandmother, but also my mother's family. My Aunt Carol and her husband at that time God rest his soul uncle set. I still to this day, do not have a relationship with these people. Now start unfortunately as passed away, I don't know if my I believe my Aunt Carol is still alive, which is my mother's sister. I have no relationship with any of these people. And it is not for a lack of trying on my part as both a child by my adopted family the Ziegler's reaching out to them time and time again to try to cultivate and to try to have some semblance of normalcy because my adoptive family was a very massive family my adoptive father had nine brothers and sisters my my mother, Dr. Mother, Susan had four brothers and sisters, a very big family I remember going to family a family reunion or Christmas party or whatever it was Christmas party. The first year there was like there was like 100 Some people which was probably a very small time like my head was spinning. You know I had gone from being an only child to having a sister to then being adopted and then into this family after being through the foster care system so this is
Unknown Speaker 32:04
Collier Landry 32:07
I'm here to say that they still don't want me but distant members of my family who threw the film through the podcast recently through tick tock if I can tick tock man I'd say this is quite quite an adventure on tick tock I am not kidding. These people have reconnected with me and it is very very cool and they are on my father and mother side and they are distant like second cousins and people that have always wondered what happened to me and I've reached out so there is a lot of good that has come from all of this and despite the abandonment of the immediate family circle around me. It is very cool to have them embrace me so yeah, Happy Father's Day on this one. And it gets better I can read down here on these lines. It's it's even better. Try to reconcile yourself with your family call the right Grammy. Bumper she is heartbroken over your loss. Do not penalize her for anything you perceive Mommy and I doing granny granny Grammy Grammy is not part of any conspiracy or crime understands. He's referring to my grandmother who is his mother as my Italian grandmother, who I had a relation she was actually the one person I really had a relationship with until she passed away in 1998. Of which I never was even notified. I just happened to call on the day that it was her funeral. Can you believe that? Of course you can because this is just the insanity my family puts me through. Anyways. She will soon be gone from this earth please make an effort to see her call her it is a it is a duty you will never regret in the future. And I never regretted that I had quite a great relationship with her especially when I was in college. I would go up and see her. My last memory of my grandmother is making cells in her kitchen with her pet cells or a little Italian cookies with a niece or, or honestly some people call it or I call it honest some people call it a nice or lemons, lemon peel things like that. Their chocolate, their little Italian cookies. You put them in a press, they're really good. And it's something you do with your Italian grandmother is you make up itself. But I remember her saying very distinctly she said my Jackie, what a waste of talent. That was one of the last thing she said to me because she was thinking about my father and she she knew what he did. She didn't she didn't know it at the time. But you know, and she didn't want to accept it and I think she finally did before she left this earth so God rest her soul. I really loved her. She was wonderful. She will soon be gone from this earth please make an effort to see her call her is a duty you will never regret in the future. I do hope you're doing fine And I realized this entire nightmare has been stressful on all of us, but we must endure. Yeah, no shit man because you created this entire fucking nightmare man like oh my god. Vin sheets qui petite her which is probably Latin it means he who endures will conquer keep that as a guide in your life while you're Damn straight. I am fine considering the horror I have been through. I will endure for the sake of the family honor and name I will endure for my parents and grandparents. You must do the same. Jesus man what? I am fine considering the horror that I have been through. You created the horror bro. Like what are you talking about man like, unbelievable. I mean, un fuckin believable. I don't even know. Sometimes the shift that comes out of my father's mouth or out of his pen or typewriter in this case is mind boggling. If you have any questions about anything, please ask me and I will give you the straight poop on the issues. I will not pull any punches just as I would not do if I were home with you now, boy, enough preaching about the driving business again. Did you take a driver's education course at school remember to drive George's car will cost money because of the insurance risks. So this is not any light or easy task for George to consider. Plus the safety issues are always there. You are a good driver. But suppose some quote nut is tooling around and hits you. You can be hurt just as easily. Well, I'll close for the moment. Please write again as you as you can fit me into your time schedule. It is important to my mental health to know how my child is doing someday you will understand this.
This also I mean, it is important to his mental health. Again, this is the crazy thing about these letters. And I know you guys that are listening to this are going what in the literal fuck is happening. It's all about him. I mean, it always circles back to him. That is the wonderful thing about narcissism and sociopathy in my father's case, this is the this is this is the thing I mean. I'm reading this and I'm really heartbroken in a lot of ways.
Because nothing has changed. So that should be a lesson to all of us. I think that nothing has changed that if you really don't have if you really are an a narcissist and a sociopath, you really lack the fundamental horrors of the very essence of what makes us all human, at least in my opinion. You know, look, I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist or a doctor, any of those things. I am just a person with a fucking shit ton of experience. In dealing with this shit. We are talking about 30 years of my life. Actually, we're talking about my entire life. What am I say? 30 years of my life we're talking about my entire life. I lived with my father until I was 11 years old. And then I've been dealing with his bullshit ever since. So I've been living with this my entire life. And I will continue to live with this until I probably take my last breath on this earth which I hope is a very, very long time from now. But I'll tell you, I mean I can't imagine being my father writing this to my son. Having done what he did. It's all about him in his mental it's all about him. Is important to my mental health to know how my child is doing someday you will understand this also. Always remember that I quote love you very much you are in my thoughts and prayers always keep me in yours. Watch out for those singles, doubles and triples Go with God my son much love daddy. And the book that he referred to in the letter-writing your college application essay by SM McGuinty from 1991 and college book. College Board preparatory is Oh, got it. It's an address in New York City. That's me saying it was 995 at the time
I don't know what I think about all this right now. This can be really hard to swallow.
This is my Father This is a man whose blood, same blood courses my veins. And that's really
it's a lot to think about. So lot, it's a lot to process. Sometimes I read these letters, and I think they're just wackadoo. And sometimes I read them and they just really affect me. And this is one that really affects me because it ping pongs between trying to give me some sort of fatherly advice that I always craved. And I especially was craving at this point in my life as a 16-year-old, young man who is processing his adolescent sort of upbringing, you know, the spring of his life, I don't know if that what he would call you know, it was an important time for me learning how to drive things like that. Which is what you kind of want your father to teach you to do. However, as disturbing as all this is, there is a silver lining to this and the silver lining is this. As terrible as this situation is with my father, as difficult as it has been. There are unfortunately a lot of kids in this world that have had to deal with this and a lot of people my age a lot of you listeners out there that are listening to this program. This podcast, they're watching this on YouTube, I know that a lot of you have dealt with this in your own personal lives and that's why my material connects with you. It does not escape me how fortunate I am because on the flip side, I was gifted a wonderful example of a father so to my father, George Washington's a killer I love you. Thank you for being a real man in my life. Teach me right from wrong. Teach me how to drive attempting to teach me about girls. I can remember a girl coming to the door one time and my father saying this wasn't the girl This wasn't the lad the girl was here the other night call your thanks, George. But seriously thank you George for being an example of what a real man should be. I love you. And Happy Father's Day
and on that note, I'm calling your Landry and this is moving past murder. Thanks y'all
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Transcribed by https://otter.ai