Turning 44: The Age My Mother Was Murdered – Reflections on Mortality and Life’s Path
This week’s blog of The Collier Landry is a personal and poignant one. As I approach my 44th birthday, the same age my mother was when she was murdered, I find myself thinking deeply about mortality, the impact we leave on others, and whether I’ve truly lived a full life. These thoughts have been circling in my mind for years, but now, they feel more real than ever.
It’s not just another birthday—it’s a milestone that brings up a lot of complex feelings.
A Message from a Fan: During the episode, I read a message I received from a fan on Instagram, Steven Kurfiss. He shared a beautiful memory of my mother from when we used to visit him at Brooks Brothers in Columbus, Ohio, in the late ‘80s. His message was a reminder of how deeply my mother touched others’ lives, even in the simplest of interactions. These kinds of messages mean the world to me, especially as I reflect on my own life’s journey and whether I’ve had a similar impact.
A Strange Connection: My friend Brenda, who joins me in this episode, also shares a unique connection to my story. Her father passed away at the age of 44, the same age as my mother. We both feel the weight of this number, and it has made us reflect on how we are living our lives. Are we making the most of the time we have left?
Is This Normal? I also pose a question to my audience: is it normal to feel this way? To wonder if, as I reach this age, I’m destined to meet a similar fate? Am I being overly dramatic, or is this something others experience as they approach the age their parent passed away? It’s a question that’s been nagging at me for a long time, and I’m curious if anyone else has felt this way.
For those of you who’ve experienced something similar, here are some interesting resources related to this topic:
- When You Reach the Age Your Parent Died – Psychology Today
- Turning 35: The Age My Mother Was When She Died – Medium
- Parental Bereavement Study – National Center for Biotechnology Information
More to Accomplish: Despite these feelings, I believe I still have so much more to accomplish. From making my film A Murder in Mansfield to speaking about my experiences in various forums, I know my journey isn’t over. However, the weight of this age makes me wonder: am I on borrowed time? Is there a sense of a “self-fulfilling prophecy” hanging over me?
I’d love to hear from you—whether you’ve gone through similar thoughts or have insights to share. You can drop me a message on Instagram @collierlandry or leave a comment on the episode.
You can watch the full episode on YouTube here, where we dive even deeper into these thoughts and feelings.
Final Thoughts: Life is unpredictable. I’ve been thinking about my mortality for decades, ever since my mother’s life was taken when I was just a boy. Now that I’m reaching the age she was, it’s even harder to push those thoughts aside. But I’m determined to make the most of my time and continue spreading the message that, no matter what, we can move past the trauma and live meaningful lives.
Thank you for being part of this journey with me.
Listen and Subscribe: Catch The Collier Landry Show on all your favorite platforms—Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube. And don’t forget to tune in to my Instagram Lives every Tuesday at 11 AM Pacific / 2 PM Eastern!
This episode hit me on a very personal level, and I’m grateful for your continued support as I share my story and continue exploring the complexities of life, trauma, and healing.
I’m Collier Landry, and this is The Collier Landry Show.